Now we've come to the end
There's no way to pretend
I can't do this anymore
It's over It's over and done
I gave all that I had
Through the good times and bad
You don't want to say goodbye
But it's over It's over and done
I know that sometimes what we had It was good
Sometimes life plays out just the way
That it should for us
I swear I thought it could for us
- But I'm done - I'm done
- Holding your hand - Holding your hand
I pray you'll understand
You'll understand
No one wants to face the truth
- But it's over, it's over - Over, over
- It's over, it's over - Over, over
And
- Done - We've come to the end
- Now we've come to the end - There's...
- There's no way, no way, no way - No, no, no
- I know that we tried - We tried
- We swallowed our pride - Swallowed your pride
- But deep inside we know - But deep inside
That something has died
- It's over, it's over, it's over - Over, over, over
It's over
And done
Over and done
It's over and over and done
Over and done
It's over
And done
And you just need to sign here,
and here, and here.
Not that it makes a difference, but what is it that I'm signing?
Your divorce papers, a marriage license, and a prenuptial agreement
in case you fail to provide my client with a suitable male heir.
- Suitable? - No femmes or fatties.
This is insane.
How are you okay with this?
Kratt is a murderer. He's holding Josh hostage.
Now, you listen to me, young lady--
And just to be clear, we're basically the same age.
When I became a lawyer, I took an oath.
An oath called attorney-client privilege.
Which means if someone gives me money,
whatever they've done or may do one day doesn't matter.
Bobby, how's it coming?
All good, Mr. Kratt. Everything's signed and legally binding.
Wonderful. You know how I feel about the law.
That it exists to protect you and only you.
Exactly.
Thank you, Bobby. You are free to leave.
Ten dollars?
Girl, be corrupt but have some pride.
Hello, my sweet. How are you?
- Honestly, not great. - Wedding day jitters.
Don't worry. That dress will look much better when you're standing up.
Where is Josh? If you hurt him--
Mr. Skinner will remain unharmed
as long as you do everything you've been asked to do.
Once we're pronounced man and wife, he will be released, and then...
No! Don't you dare sing to me, you sicko!
I shut down a dream ballet! I will shut down this!
Stop the music! Stop!
All I want is someone to love me.
Yeah, I'm sure you do.
But unfortunately, that someone isn't me.
My heart belongs to Josh, and it always will,
and there's nothing you can do to change that.
The wedding is in one hour. See you at the altar.
Frau.
Please help me. Please.
You're better than this. You have to be, right?
Maybe I was once, but that was a long time ago.
I did what I had to do to survive.
I recommend you do the same.
Mr. Kratt is the wealthiest man in Schmicago.
You will be comfortable, taken care of.
And in a place like this, that's not nothing.
So, you see, we actually didn't even want to be here.
We were just trying to get back to Schmigadoon.
It's kind of funny when you think about it.
- Please let me go. - Sorry, pal.
You enjoyed your freedom while you had it.
Now it's time you pay your dues like the rest of us.
- Like the rest of you? - Guys like you are lucky.
You and your hippie friends, you get to live however you like
while slobs like me get stuck doing all the work.
What's stopping you from living the life you want?
Hello. Uncle Octavius.
There's been a slight change of plans.
After the wedding, you need to kill Mr. Skinner.
But I thought the plan was to release him.
Plans change.
You need to kill him.
It will make it easier for my new bride to move on.
Okay. But if I do, will I finally get my own act at the club like you promised?
I don't know if you saw my latest proposal, but--
Kill him.
What was that about?
Wrong number.
You literally said, "Uncle Octavius."
So now you're just going to kill me?
I'm sure you've got things in your job you don't like.
Don't do this.
It's not worth it.
- Uncle Octavius will make it worth it. - How do you know?
Because he's been promising me for the past 36 years. That's how.
Have you ever heard of the Parable of the Faithful Servant?
The what?
There once was a faithful servant
who served a cruel master.
The master kept asking the servant to do things for him
that the servant knew in his heart were wrong.
But he did them because he had been promised
that he would inherit all of his master's riches when he died.
But when the master finally died, the servant discovered
that he left everything to his new totally age-inappropriate wife.
And the servant ended up with nothing but his own broken dreams.
The end.
I see what you're trying to do, and it's not gonna work.
Besides, it's too late for me.
It's never too late to follow your dreams, man.
Have you heard the parable of the guy who helped the other guy,
and it worked out for both of them?
Gobble, gobble, gobble. Fill up those tummies.
Mr. Blight, what are you--
I need an orphan! Now!
Pick me! Pick me!
- But the plan. - The plan failed.
That devil Kratt has eluded my grasp once again.
Mercy, what happened?
What happened? He's alive.
My Daisy's dead.
My blade requires blood.
So, who wants to go first?
Now, let's not get hasty here.
- Let's wait until-- - No more waiting!
You claim to be devoted to me, Miss Codwell.
Well, now's the time to prove it.
God, that was good.
Come with me.
Nap time! Everybody needs a nap! Now!
Do as you're told.
What do you want?
- Is everything okay? - We heard screaming.
Did that man harm you?
Are you in danger?
Why'd you call him daddy?
No, I'm fine. We're fine.
Go back to your rooms. No one's in any danger.
Actually, that's not true, my sweet.
Last night, I saw Mr. Skinner being taken at gunpoint
by that crooked policeman, Rivera.
And I did nothing. We have to help him.
How can we help him? We don't even know where he is.
I'm sure I can guess.
The same place Rivera took me 20 years ago for questioning.
The basement of Kratt's power plant.
You may get to kill someone yet.
Well, if providence is kind.
That was amazing.
You know...
It's so nice for once to get to be the student instead of the teacher.
Do you think there's even more for me to learn about lovemaking?
Yeah, definitely.
It was great.
But, you know, even Picasso kept taking lessons.
You know, there's always more to learn.
Great.
- Go away! - Come on.
Well. At least you're still getting naked.
What do you want?
Shouldn't you be out following your new chosen leader, Josh?
Josh is in trouble.
Sergeant Rivera took him to the power plant
so they can force Melissa to marry Kratt.
- We obviously don't care about Melissa... - No.
...but we didn't know what to do, so we came to you.
It's true Josh hurt me.
But sometimes, when your face has been slapped,
you need to turn the other cheek and let that person slap you again.
- But do you? - Yeah, that sounds bad.
Yeah, not the best example, darling.
But no matter what he did, Josh is still our chum.
If he needs our help, then we need to be there for him no matter what.
You better gas up the happiness bus. It's on.
Yes!
Let's roll.
And not only did Sloth set Chunk free and get revenge on his evil family,
but he became friends with all the Goonies and shared in their bounteous fortune.
- The end. - Good.
Which reminds me of the parable of the dog who was surprisingly good at basketball.
Start one more parable and I'll kill you right now.
No, you won't.
Let Josh go now.
Topher?
Josh. I'm so sorry, man.
A sour macaroon?
I don't know what that means.
No worries. I love you, man.
- I love you too, man. - Oh, brother.
If it isn't our troupe of strolling fruitcakes come to save the day.
With what? Love?
Nice try. I've got this.
Wait.
Love is stronger than any gun.
Are you sure about that?
I'm not sure about that, no.
Not so fast!
That's right, copper.
- And who the hell are you? - You don't recognize me, Sergeant Rivera?
Well, I suppose I can't blame you.
It has been 20 years since you sent me to prison
for the murder of my wife, Daisy.
Dooley Blight?
In the flesh.
And thirsty for revenge.
Wait.
Daisy was my mother's name.
Hello, my daughter.
No.
I have no father.
Jenny, believe me, I never harmed your mother.
I loved her more than life itself.
I wish I could believe that, but I don't.
I want nothing to do with you.
Then I may as well leave this hell for the next.
- No! - Stop!
He's telling the truth.
And I know...
because I'm the one who framed him.
Kratt killed your mother, not Dooley.
- My Jenny. - Daddy.
All right.
Who wants to help me stop a wedding?
I do!
We are gathered here today
to join Octavius and Melissa in holy matrimony.
Do you, Octavius, take Melissa to be your lawful wedded wife?
I do.
Do you, Melissa, take Octavius to be your lawful wedded husband?
I have no choice.
That counts!
Then by the power vested in me by the city of Schmicago,
I pronounce you ma--
- Stop the wedding! - Josh!
You. How did you--
You need to shut your stupid mouth and get away from my wife.
Adorable.
- Seize him. - What?
Officers, stand down!
What do you think you're doing?
Standing up to you. For once.
And so am I.
Enough is enough, Octavius!
I'm afraid the two of you have overplayed your hand.
They don't answer to you. They answer to me.
Take him away. Now.
I love you, Mel! And I'm so sorry for this whole mess!
I love you too! No matter what happens, I'll always love you!
Enough of this prattle. Pronounce us man and wife.
By the power vested in me by the city of Schmicago, I now pronounce you--
- Vengeance! - Dooley Blight?
- Is mine! - No, Daddy, no!
You just keep on losing, don't you, Blight?
Not so fast, my sweet.
Finish the ceremony.
Mr. Kratt, as your lawyer, I must advise-- Myself to sit back down.
Finish it!
Okay, then by the power vested in me by the city Schmicago,
- I pronounce you man and-- - Look up!
Get out the way!
Oh, shit.
Seriously? Again?
It really is a wonderful knife.
My love.
- Are you all right? - Yeah, I am now.
- I love you. - I love you.
Is he dead?
He is kaput
Yes, he's kaput
He ran the town and kept us down Now the shoe's on the other foot
In mansions he did dwell But now he's burning in hell
We're all so glad that he's kaput
I'll drink to that
Now that Kratt is dead, things are about to change in Schmicago.
Madam Frau will take over the club
and use her position to promote exciting new talent.
I'm gonna put on my fishnets
And get as wet as the fish gets Whoo
Like ex-Sergeant Rivera.
Bobby will team up with the tribe to split up Kratt's monopolies,
and something incredible will happen.
They all get jobs!
While Topher and Jenny will find the perfect home for their talents
at the orphanage.
Because Miss Codwell and Dooley will go into business together
and make a killing.
So, Josh and Melissa now finally have the happy ending they've been seeking
and are free to leave Schmicago and go back to their world.
But why would they?
Why return to a place you were so desperate to leave?
Where bad people triumph, good people suffer,
and some couples, no matter how badly they want it,
will never ever have children?
Sure, you probably feel like you've learned something
on your brief sojourn here.
And now life is gonna be so much better. Right?
Didn't you feel that way when you left Schmigadoon?
That you had gotten your happy ending,
that everything was gonna be okay from here on out?
But it wasn't, was it?
The magic wore off.
Magic always does, except here in Schmicago.
Stay here in Schmicago
Our fantastical farrago
- Here you could be a star. - A beloved leader.
Here all of your dreams can actually come true.
Stay here in Stay here in
Stay here in Schmicago
Schmicago
Thanks to you, things are getting better here for all of us.
You can't leave now. Things are just getting good!
Add 'em up, kiddos. Add 'em up.
Stay
So, what's it gonna be? The joyless drudgery of life out there?
Or the magic and excitement here?
What are you thinking?
I think...
All that he said was true
There are no guarantees for me and you
And magic is great every now and then
But I want more
More what?
More uncertainty? More joylessness?
The world can be cold and dark
But when we connect, it makes a spark
And maybe that spark will go out again
But I want more
The only place you're gonna get what you really want is here.
I can tell just what you're feeling
There are things you can't conceal
Sometimes life can send you reeling
But what we want
All that we want
Is something real
Sorry. We're gonna miss you guys.
All of you.
But it's time for us to go.
Are you sure?
It's gonna be a constant struggle with more bad days than good ones.
And a very good chance you'll end up right back where you were.
We know.
But isn't that the whole point?
You did it! I knew you would! I knew you had it in you!
What?
I'm so sorry putting you through all this. I really am, but I had to test you.
And you passed the test, didn't ya!
Wait, you're smiling? Why are you smiling?
- Because he works for me. - For you?
Yeah, about that. I'm not doing this narrator gig no more.
I'm tired of helping people figure out their lives.
I want a life of my own! With romance!
And it's gonna be with... him.
I don't hate it.
And that's the moment the Narrator's life changed.
Okay, I'm happy for you.
Thank you.
So, can we go home now?
You can go home, yes, you can go home, but that's just the beginning!
What's more important is what you'll take with you when you go!
Wait a minute. Isn't that--
My brother.
He's a little more traditional than I am, but I still love the guy.
- Shall we, Oscar? - Of course, Steve.
This world is a big old mess Of pain and stress
And people dragging you down
There's little chance of success
The bad guy's always winning
Happy endings don't exist
But here's a pearl you may have missed
Every day can be a happy beginning
A happy beginning
This life's filled with sad goodbyes
And cloudy skies
And days that don't seem to end
The lows far exceed the highs
There's not much cause for grinning
Happy endings don't exist
But here's a pearl you may have missed
Every day can be
A happy beginning
And with you I'm okay
I'm okay
We're okay
We'll get through one more day
One more day
This world is a big old mess Of pain and stress
And people dragging you down
There's little chance of success
The bad guy's always winning
Happy endings don't exist
But here's a pearl you may have missed
Every day can be a happy beginning
A happy beginning
This world is a big old mess Of pain and stress
And people dragging you down
There's little chance of success
The bad guy's always winning
Happy endings don't exist
But here's a pearl you may have missed
Every day can be a happy beginning
A happy beginning
Now we've come to the end
There's no way to pretend
I can't do this anymore
It's over It's over and done
No one wants to face the truth
- But it's over, it's over, it's over - Over, over, over
It's over
And done
Over and done
It's over and over and done
Over and done
It's over
And done