1
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(洛恩麥可斯呈獻)

2
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《歡迎來到施米加多!》

3
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(來到施米加多的兩年又五個月前)

4
00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:50,133
他們選了佩登

5
00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:52,886
他們選了佩登?

6
00:00:54,346 --> 00:00:55,430
我不相信

7
00:00:55,514 --> 00:00:58,267
為什麼大家都那麼喜歡佩登?

8
00:00:58,350 --> 00:01:01,103
你應該去找張院長,逼她告訴你原因

9
00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:03,981
-我說真的,跟她約個時間
-何必呢?她有什麼好說的?

10
00:01:04,063 --> 00:01:06,900
反正我無所謂,我當外科醫生
又不是為了拿專科研究資格

11
00:01:06,984 --> 00:01:09,278
我選這一科是想行醫助人 又不想跟病患說話

12
00:01:09,361 --> 00:01:13,031
就問問她怎麼回事,至少你自知盡力了

13
00:01:13,115 --> 00:01:15,033
-機會居然給了佩登
-別說了

14
00:01:15,868 --> 00:01:17,077
好吧

15
00:01:17,995 --> 00:01:19,371
親愛的,我很遺憾

16
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這是個狗小狗的世界

17
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抱歉,妳剛才說“狗小狗”的世界嗎?

18
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不,我是說專科研究資格分明就該給你

19
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-卻給了某個...
-等等...

20
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狗小狗?

21
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:37,514
小梅

22
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妳真的讓我很為難

23
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因為我想繼續聽妳說“狗小狗”

24
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但我又有義務告訴妳 正確說法是“狗咬狗”

25
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我覺得不是,是“狗小狗”才對

26
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妳堅持這個說法?

27
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狗咬狗一點也不合理 狗才不會亂咬狗,根本沒有這種事

28
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那“狗小狗”是什麼意思?

29
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意思是這個世界很不公平

30
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你被別人踩在腳底下 連狗都可以把你當成寵物

31
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你就是狗的小狗

32
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好,我有個問題想問妳

33
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英語是妳的母語嗎?

34
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-好吧,寶貝
-不,我很抱歉

35
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聽我說,我愛妳,說錯了也沒關係

36
00:02:16,887 --> 00:02:17,888
是喔,我又沒說錯

37
00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:20,224
我原本只是想讓你心情好一點

38
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確實有

39
00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:33,987
今天是我不好

40
00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:39,159
妳說“狗小狗”是對的

41
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合理多了

42
00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:43,288
親愛的,謝謝

43
00:02:43,914 --> 00:02:45,999
很遺憾你沒拿到專科研究資格

44
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謝謝

45
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還有你,你不會亂咬別的狗吧,對不對?

46
00:02:51,547 --> 00:02:54,216
不,你不會,絕對不會

47
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但你會養另一隻狗當寵物,對不對?

48
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對,你會

49
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你看,牠同意我說的話

50
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梅麗莎,老天,妳在寬衣

51
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不,不是,只是脫鞋子而已,很晚了

52
00:03:16,780 --> 00:03:19,283
妳真是一股新活力

53
00:03:19,992 --> 00:03:22,995
妳怎麼會有這些想法?妳真的好自由奔放

54
00:03:23,787 --> 00:03:24,997
我就是這種人

55
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好,我要脫了

56
00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:32,129
腳趾頭們,出來透透氣吧

57
00:03:36,008 --> 00:03:38,510
我們應該像小猴子那樣嗎?

58
00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:42,890
你戀愛時簡直變了一個人

59
00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:47,436
但你知道嗎?
我喜歡,因為我不愛控制別人

60
00:03:48,353 --> 00:03:50,689
不如我們來回顧今天的前三名吧

61
00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:54,026
我指的是今天最扯的三個場景

62
00:03:54,109 --> 00:03:56,695
妳好像改變了我的整個思考方式

63
00:03:56,778 --> 00:03:58,780
荷希,你不必那麼做

64
00:03:58,864 --> 00:04:02,075
那只是我和前男友會做的蠢事

65
00:04:02,159 --> 00:04:03,702
我不該提起的

66
00:04:03,785 --> 00:04:08,040
好,但我的第一名是海倫普里瞪了我一眼

67
00:04:08,123 --> 00:04:10,000
因為我說“便秘”

68
00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:14,254
真野蠻,妳居然說“便秘”

69
00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:17,925
你的第一名是什麼?

70
00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:21,303
我今天的第一名...

71
00:04:21,386 --> 00:04:23,680
是我,我是個爛醫生

72
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才不是,雖然...

73
00:04:26,558 --> 00:04:29,228
也許你可以少開一點鐳水,不過...

74
00:04:29,311 --> 00:04:32,481
我整天都心不在焉 因為我滿腦子都想著妳,親愛的

75
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:36,818
妳打開我的心房,讓光線照射進來

76
00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:42,908
這聽起來很荒唐 但我覺得你也打開了我的心房

77
00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:45,869
我好像很久沒這麼快樂了

78
00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:54,962
你突然讓我渾身飄飄然

79
00:04:55,963 --> 00:05:01,176
這股興奮感是否只因遇見新事物?

80
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:06,807
我內心突然升起的這些感受

81
00:05:07,599 --> 00:05:12,312
若是真的,我該怎麼做?

82
00:05:13,897 --> 00:05:19,570
尋求解釋毫無意義可言

83
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:26,326
目的、地點、原因、時間與方法都不重要

84
00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:32,749
我只知道我突然愛上你

85
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:39,214
這突然成為此刻唯一

86
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:42,926
重要的事

87
00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:56,982
對不起

88
00:05:57,065 --> 00:05:59,193
是我不好,真的

89
00:06:00,068 --> 00:06:03,697
大家快看,伯爵小姐提早回來了

90
00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:04,781
真是太棒了

91
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:07,868
梅麗莎,這位是
嘉波莉葉凡布萊康伯爵小姐

92
00:06:07,951 --> 00:06:11,663
-她也是發明不鏽鋼的人
-荷希,別說了

93
00:06:11,747 --> 00:06:15,459
我有涉獵鋁熱還原法,碰巧成功的

94
00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:19,963
天啊,這和《真善美》一模一樣

95
00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:22,257
我猜猜看,妳剛從都市回來

96
00:06:22,341 --> 00:06:24,384
妳原本要嫁給他,對嗎?

97
00:06:25,135 --> 00:06:29,014
我們之前見過嗎?
我絕不會忘記這麼標致的姑娘

98
00:06:29,681 --> 00:06:31,266
你們倆真登對

99
00:06:32,434 --> 00:06:34,478
小萊萊...妳這個小傻瓜

100
00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:37,022
不是的...妳以為我和她在跳舞嗎?

101
00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:39,024
不,我只是把她繞著轉

102
00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:41,860
讓她把噎住的食物咳出

103
00:06:41,944 --> 00:06:43,320
我是梅麗莎,新來的護士

104
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,656
小萊萊,妳看上去更是煥然一新

105
00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:48,534
柔柔亮亮,閃閃動人

106
00:06:48,617 --> 00:06:51,745
荷希,我好口渴,幫我拿杯香檳

107
00:06:51,828 --> 00:06:53,038
好,沒問題

108
00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:58,043
他愛上妳了

109
00:06:59,002 --> 00:07:01,171
若他沒愛上妳,就不算男人了

110
00:07:01,255 --> 00:07:04,633
別這麼說,不,我是說,應該吧

111
00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:07,177
妳真是美豔動人

112
00:07:07,261 --> 00:07:09,721
既聰明又漂亮

113
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和妳相比之下,我只是個光腳丫的邋遢鬼

114
00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:16,687
真有意思

115
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:19,147
我們去找找妳的鞋子,好嗎?

116
00:07:19,231 --> 00:07:23,485
說真的,這很瘋狂
但荷希和我愛上彼此了

117
00:07:23,569 --> 00:07:25,028
我知道妳聽了肯定不好受

118
00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:30,576
但我有一種感覺,我彷彿能預見

119
00:07:30,659 --> 00:07:33,370
妳會優雅地退讓

120
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:37,249
我無法解釋我怎麼知道 姑且說是第六感吧

121
00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:40,502
妳要怎麼說都行

122
00:07:43,297 --> 00:07:45,299
妳的小手真會流汗

123
00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:49,469
我們得好好認識一下彼此

124
00:07:49,553 --> 00:07:52,848
我知道了,我們開車去兜風,明天行嗎?

125
00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:55,017
小萊萊,我很樂意

126
00:07:56,435 --> 00:07:59,021
妳自認和我熟到能叫我綽號了

127
00:08:02,566 --> 00:08:04,359
是葡萄乾麵包

128
00:08:04,443 --> 00:08:06,195
-對
-還有涼拌沙拉

129
00:08:06,278 --> 00:08:08,655
居然還有沙士?

130
00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:15,120
我姊姊肯定很喜歡你 她從沒笑得這麼燦爛

131
00:08:15,204 --> 00:08:17,748
鎮上所有人都覺得她是可憐蟲

132
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:19,041
卡森

133
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:22,252
你去數數那棵松樹下有幾隻螞蟻,好嗎?

134
00:08:22,336 --> 00:08:23,587
遵命

135
00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:29,426
好吧,不管鎮上的人怎麼看我
都比我對他們的評價來得高

136
00:08:29,510 --> 00:08:30,594
不笑也沒什麼大不了

137
00:08:31,762 --> 00:08:32,971
26隻螞蟻

138
00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:34,847
老弟,繼續數

139
00:08:36,558 --> 00:08:40,312
這麼說,你會在施米加多待多久?

140
00:08:40,395 --> 00:08:44,483
我問這個是因為過去曾遇過狀況

141
00:08:44,566 --> 00:08:46,068
雜工停留的時間很不固定

142
00:08:46,652 --> 00:08:48,362
老實說,我也不知道

143
00:08:48,445 --> 00:08:50,405
我真的得回去紐約

144
00:08:50,489 --> 00:08:53,033
但你不能回去,因為那裡不安全

145
00:08:53,909 --> 00:08:55,494
滿街都是賭徒和罪犯

146
00:08:55,577 --> 00:08:58,539
還有想要一步登天的可憐人

147
00:08:58,622 --> 00:09:01,333
卻沒辦法回家,只因為無謂的虛榮心

148
00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:03,669
是啊,但那就是我喜歡紐約的原因

149
00:09:04,253 --> 00:09:07,631
紐約市有很多人,從事各行各業

150
00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:10,384
我不曉得,也許只是因為
無法弄清楚每個人在做什麼

151
00:09:10,467 --> 00:09:14,388
但...紐約的每一個人
都有機會能重新塑造自己

152
00:09:22,563 --> 00:09:25,899
我姊姊親了史金納醫生,我姊姊耶

153
00:09:25,983 --> 00:09:28,402
卡森,你知道不該偷看別人

154
00:09:28,485 --> 00:09:30,153
回家我要處罰你

155
00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:33,615
處罰?那我就不跟妳說這裡有幾隻螞蟻

156
00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:37,244
他覺得每個人都得知道所有事情

157
00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:40,372
這又沒什麼,也許他長大會當記者

158
00:09:40,455 --> 00:09:41,582
我能想像那則標題

159
00:09:41,665 --> 00:09:44,918
“艾瑪親了史金納醫生
學校女教師醜聞”

160
00:09:46,837 --> 00:09:49,631
沒關係的,他知道自己講話會大舌頭

161
00:09:50,215 --> 00:09:52,885
我以前也會,我們不會假裝這件事不存在

162
00:09:54,052 --> 00:09:56,597
知道嗎?妳把他教得很好

163
00:09:57,431 --> 00:10:00,100
姊代母職很不容易

164
00:10:01,059 --> 00:10:03,061
這根本不關你的事

165
00:10:03,145 --> 00:10:05,647
什麼?抱歉,我是稱讚的意思

166
00:10:05,731 --> 00:10:07,024
好,謝謝你的稱讚

167
00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:09,776
天啊,好像要下雨了

168
00:10:09,860 --> 00:10:12,070
-現在很晴朗
-天氣的循環就是這樣,不是嗎?

169
00:10:12,154 --> 00:10:14,406
沒下雨,下雨,沒下雨,下雨

170
00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:17,492
喬許,很高興見到你

171
00:10:17,576 --> 00:10:20,037
但卡森和我真的得回家了

172
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,622
等等,艾瑪,怎麼了?

173
00:10:21,705 --> 00:10:23,123
卡森,該回家了

174
00:10:23,207 --> 00:10:25,417
-可是史金納醫生...
-不,我們該走了

175
00:10:29,338 --> 00:10:30,339
怎麼...

176
00:10:31,256 --> 00:10:32,257
艾瑪

177
00:10:46,688 --> 00:10:48,524
-雷頓夫人,午安
-是嗎?

178
00:10:49,233 --> 00:10:50,317
什麼?

179
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,986
先生,我有聽到,對,我聽到了

180
00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:55,989
通常我會同意你說的話 沒錯,下午很平安

181
00:10:56,073 --> 00:11:00,285
但今天下午並不是 鎮上目前的狀況並不平安

182
00:11:00,911 --> 00:11:03,664
親愛的先生,鎮上大事不妙了

183
00:11:03,747 --> 00:11:05,916
施米加多大事不妙了

184
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:09,837
你看地上,你是否也看到相同景象?
街上有花生殼

185
00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:12,464
攤在那裡,就像醉鬼躺在水溝

186
00:11:12,548 --> 00:11:15,092
把小鎮廣場搞得像酒館

187
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:17,302
有如蕩婦與快樂酒鬼的住所

188
00:11:17,386 --> 00:11:19,429
彷彿在大街上開電影院

189
00:11:19,513 --> 00:11:21,181
我們的小鎮真要變成這樣?

190
00:11:21,265 --> 00:11:23,100
我們真要給孩子這種未來?

191
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,852
告訴你們,情況變了

192
00:11:24,935 --> 00:11:26,979
自從那兩個外地人來到這裡

193
00:11:27,062 --> 00:11:28,063
(你們好,陌生人)

194
00:11:28,146 --> 00:11:30,023
帶來大都市的作風與新奇想法

195
00:11:30,107 --> 00:11:32,150
淫亂又墮落

196
00:11:32,776 --> 00:11:34,695
平白無故闖進小鎮

197
00:11:34,778 --> 00:11:36,780
心腸比地獄鎖鍊還冰冷

198
00:11:36,864 --> 00:11:38,615
他們抵達時依然未婚

199
00:11:38,699 --> 00:11:41,076
滿腦子慾望,想同睡一張床

200
00:11:41,159 --> 00:11:43,287
然後在提籃拍賣會明目張膽地示愛

201
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:45,539
現在鎮長出櫃說自己有變態的性傾向

202
00:11:45,622 --> 00:11:47,374
問題的根源全出在兩個陌生人

203
00:11:47,457 --> 00:11:49,751
他們這輩子從沒讀過《聖經》

204
00:11:49,835 --> 00:11:53,130
這會讓鎮上大事不妙,雞犬不寧

205
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:55,549
聽好,我對外地人毫無惡意

206
00:11:56,091 --> 00:11:58,177
如果他們有操守

207
00:11:58,260 --> 00:12:00,888
打扮、談吐與舉止和我們沒兩樣

208
00:12:00,971 --> 00:12:03,015
彷彿孿生青豆與同顏色的鳥

209
00:12:03,098 --> 00:12:05,350
而非喋喋不休的窩囊廢 嘰哩呱啦說個不停

210
00:12:05,434 --> 00:12:07,603
劈里啪啦胡言亂語

211
00:12:07,686 --> 00:12:09,897
我們要和諧穩定,他們卻攪得亂七八糟

212
00:12:09,980 --> 00:12:11,982
好似蔬菜儲藏室的害蟲,酪乳裡的蒼蠅

213
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:13,984
我告訴你們,他們正影響著

214
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,028
他們正影響著諸位的孩子

215
00:12:16,111 --> 00:12:18,322
就像地蜈蚣從耳朵鑽進大腦

216
00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:20,616
你們的孩子很快就不再做家事

217
00:12:20,699 --> 00:12:22,910
牛奶酸掉,在冷藏室裡都沒有過篩

218
00:12:22,993 --> 00:12:25,037
吃晚餐時頂嘴,沒空讀《聖經》

219
00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:27,456
唱機還會播放散拍爵士樂

220
00:12:27,539 --> 00:12:29,166
各位,這還只是開頭而已

221
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:30,834
你們很快就認不出

222
00:12:30,918 --> 00:12:33,003
不,你們再也認不出小鎮原本的樣貌

223
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:36,006
到時候會有霓虹招牌,煙霧彌漫的房間

224
00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:38,217
撞球間與接客小妹

225
00:12:38,300 --> 00:12:40,302
未婚懷孕的放蕩女

226
00:12:40,385 --> 00:12:42,429
出口成髒的暴力男

227
00:12:42,513 --> 00:12:44,723
惡魔在你家前廊跳舞

228
00:12:44,806 --> 00:12:46,808
趁著月黑風高從嬰兒床偷走寶寶

229
00:12:46,892 --> 00:12:48,977
牛羊雜交

230
00:12:49,061 --> 00:12:51,230
生出額上有獸印的小孩

231
00:12:51,313 --> 00:12:54,816
全拜那兩個外地人所賜 史金納醫生與金寶小姐

232
00:12:54,900 --> 00:12:55,943
(地獄,危機)

233
00:12:56,026 --> 00:12:59,696
最好抓緊丈夫,看好妻子

234
00:12:59,780 --> 00:13:03,450
接下來鎮上會大事不妙,雞犬不寧

235
00:13:03,534 --> 00:13:05,619
-我們會雞犬不寧
-雞犬不寧

236
00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:08,455
-還會大事不妙
-大事不妙

237
00:13:08,539 --> 00:13:12,292
-更別說還有異族通婚
-聽起來很不妙

238
00:13:12,376 --> 00:13:14,419
-趕緊向上帝祈禱
-向上帝祈禱

239
00:13:14,503 --> 00:13:16,672
-速速拯救我們
-速速拯救我們

240
00:13:16,755 --> 00:13:20,133
因為我們會雞犬不寧,施米加多大事不妙

241
00:13:20,217 --> 00:13:22,010
雞犬不寧...

242
00:13:22,094 --> 00:13:23,387
雞犬不寧...

243
00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:24,555
大聲一點

244
00:13:24,638 --> 00:13:26,265
雞犬不寧...

245
00:13:27,683 --> 00:13:29,226
我愛這座小鎮

246
00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:32,354
大家都知道我的曾曾祖父建立了施米加多

247
00:13:32,437 --> 00:13:35,524
當時他來到這片美好沃土,他說

248
00:13:35,607 --> 00:13:37,317
“外人絕對找不到我們”

249
00:13:37,401 --> 00:13:39,486
但我好心痛,我心痛不已

250
00:13:39,570 --> 00:13:42,656
竟眼睜睜看著我們的小鎮墮落

251
00:13:42,739 --> 00:13:45,158
我試著警告鎮長,但他心不在焉

252
00:13:45,242 --> 00:13:46,368
只顧自己的褲襠

253
00:13:46,994 --> 00:13:49,538
他可憐的妻子無地自容,把自己鎖在家裡

254
00:13:49,621 --> 00:13:51,039
這次是刻意的

255
00:13:51,123 --> 00:13:52,374
對不起,芙羅倫斯

256
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:57,129
施米加多需要新的領頭羊

257
00:13:57,671 --> 00:13:58,672
但該找誰呢?

258
00:13:58,755 --> 00:14:02,467
誰擁有道德觀念,又清楚傳統知識

259
00:14:02,551 --> 00:14:06,513
並具備良好的老派美國傳統美德

260
00:14:06,597 --> 00:14:08,390
藉此挺身對抗兩個外地人?

261
00:14:08,473 --> 00:14:10,934
-蜜爾芮雷頓選鎮長
-我不行

262
00:14:11,018 --> 00:14:13,145
-蜜爾芮雷頓選鎮長
-我不會選的

263
00:14:13,228 --> 00:14:16,398
-蜜爾芮雷頓選鎮長
-蜜爾芮雷頓選鎮長

264
00:14:18,483 --> 00:14:19,818
好吧,我選

265
00:14:21,236 --> 00:14:23,405
-投票的時候到了
-投票

266
00:14:23,488 --> 00:14:25,741
-投給雷頓
-投給雷頓

267
00:14:25,824 --> 00:14:29,036
只有她能從撒旦手中拯救小鎮

268
00:14:29,119 --> 00:14:30,120
立刻拯救我們

269
00:14:30,204 --> 00:14:32,080
-衷心希望她能夠
-希望她能夠

270
00:14:32,164 --> 00:14:34,333
-速速拯救我們
-速速拯救我們

271
00:14:34,416 --> 00:14:37,169
因為我們會雞犬不寧,大事不妙

272
00:14:37,252 --> 00:14:39,421
雞犬不寧,大事不妙

273
00:14:39,505 --> 00:14:41,632
家門不幸,驚慌失措

274
00:14:41,715 --> 00:14:43,800
家門不幸,驚慌失措

275
00:14:43,884 --> 00:14:49,515
雞犬不寧,大事不妙

276
00:14:49,598 --> 00:14:53,352
施米加多出事了

277
00:14:53,435 --> 00:14:56,563
(雷頓選鎮長)

278
00:14:58,732 --> 00:15:00,108
抱歉,彼特

279
00:15:01,193 --> 00:15:05,322
我要你罰寫500次“我不偷看別人”

280
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:08,200
沒寫完不准起來,聽懂了沒?

281
00:15:15,999 --> 00:15:18,085
真是太離譜了

282
00:15:20,045 --> 00:15:21,797
嘿,小傢伙,鉛筆借我一下

283
00:15:25,050 --> 00:15:28,428
你覺得剛才野餐時究竟怎麼了?

284
00:15:28,512 --> 00:15:30,722
你姊姊為什麼突然那麼生氣?

285
00:15:30,806 --> 00:15:32,349
沒人搞得懂她

286
00:15:34,810 --> 00:15:36,520
來,這樣可以寫兩倍快

287
00:15:37,980 --> 00:15:39,106
我看看

288
00:15:44,152 --> 00:15:45,654
我們在作弊

289
00:15:45,737 --> 00:15:47,447
噓,沒有,我沒有教你作弊

290
00:15:47,531 --> 00:15:49,783
這麼做光明正大 《神犬也瘋狂》就是這樣

291
00:15:50,951 --> 00:15:53,954
糟糕,這裡有電影吧?

292
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:56,373
會動的畫面?

293
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:59,334
先生,有,我在5美分放映廳看過

294
00:15:59,418 --> 00:16:03,172
內容是一個騎腳踏車的男人 他看起來好像真的在場

295
00:16:03,255 --> 00:16:06,091
很好,《神犬也瘋狂》的故事是一隻狗

296
00:16:06,175 --> 00:16:09,261
加入中學籃球隊打球

297
00:16:09,344 --> 00:16:13,140
因為籃球守則沒有明文規定狗不能打籃球

298
00:16:13,932 --> 00:16:18,228
所以我們沒有作弊,只是鑽漏洞

299
00:16:18,312 --> 00:16:19,646
天啊,謝謝你

300
00:16:21,815 --> 00:16:23,984
卡森,我只是...

301
00:16:24,067 --> 00:16:25,819
我不想讓你覺得

302
00:16:25,903 --> 00:16:27,821
可以不用努力上進

303
00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:32,367
或覺得《神犬也瘋狂》是部好電影
那和《騎腳踏車的男人》沒得比

304
00:16:42,085 --> 00:16:44,838
然後只要將鋼液脫碳

305
00:16:44,922 --> 00:16:48,258
精煉成能維持微結構的成分就行了

306
00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:55,724
我有一次逼不得已 得用不鏽鋼垃圾桶煮湯,說來話長

307
00:16:55,807 --> 00:16:58,519
因此挽救了感恩節,所以,謝謝妳

308
00:17:00,771 --> 00:17:01,939
我只想說

309
00:17:02,022 --> 00:17:06,234
我知道荷希選擇我而不選妳,簡直是瘋了

310
00:17:06,318 --> 00:17:07,861
妳找得到各種好對象

311
00:17:07,944 --> 00:17:11,490
希區考克寧可不吃卡士達派 也要狠狠折磨妳

312
00:17:11,573 --> 00:17:12,574
愛很奇妙

313
00:17:13,659 --> 00:17:16,203
親愛的,這是家常便飯

314
00:17:16,286 --> 00:17:18,704
有權勢的男人總抵擋不了幫傭的魅力

315
00:17:20,665 --> 00:17:22,416
謝謝妳的體諒

316
00:17:22,501 --> 00:17:24,627
我心裡好過多了

317
00:17:25,671 --> 00:17:28,006
其實我這輩子老是遇上這種事

318
00:17:29,883 --> 00:17:31,635
等等,妳有專屬的歌?

319
00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:34,096
真意外,妳明明就是小角...

320
00:17:34,179 --> 00:17:35,931
等等,我的背包,為什...

321
00:17:36,014 --> 00:17:41,311
我曾追求的瑞典人名為比雍 每天早上都要女僕送茶

322
00:17:41,395 --> 00:17:44,147
原來色鬼比雍超愛女僕A片

323
00:17:44,231 --> 00:17:47,025
我的如意算盤就此告吹

324
00:17:47,109 --> 00:17:49,695
我既漂亮又聰明

325
00:17:49,778 --> 00:17:55,117
而我總是把不到我要的男人

326
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:57,703
可以這樣邊開車邊唱歌嗎?

327
00:17:57,786 --> 00:18:03,083
曾有個買賣股票的德克斯 僱用女孩縫補襪子

328
00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:08,839
當德克斯的襪子演變為情話綿綿 我就沒戲唱了

329
00:18:08,922 --> 00:18:11,508
我全心全意努力不懈

330
00:18:11,592 --> 00:18:16,722
而我總是把不到我要的男人

331
00:18:16,805 --> 00:18:22,311
我愛上柯爾的1930年勞斯萊斯 夢想成為他的新娘

332
00:18:22,394 --> 00:18:25,314
但他的司機居然是女人

333
00:18:25,397 --> 00:18:27,316
他們把我耍得團團轉

334
00:18:29,276 --> 00:18:31,320
車子怎麼還能繼續開?

335
00:18:33,197 --> 00:18:35,782
我似乎永遠終結不了詛咒

336
00:18:35,866 --> 00:18:38,660
因為我的醫生現在愛上護士

337
00:18:38,744 --> 00:18:41,330
更糟的是這位護士要我閃邊去

338
00:18:41,413 --> 00:18:44,082
彷彿用扇子搧走灰塵

339
00:18:44,166 --> 00:18:46,752
所以我希望妳玩得盡興

340
00:18:46,835 --> 00:18:49,963
小妞,因為妳得滾蛋

341
00:18:50,047 --> 00:18:54,551
因為親愛的,這一次,親愛的,這一次

342
00:18:54,635 --> 00:18:58,430
沒錯,親愛的,這一次我立定志向

343
00:18:58,514 --> 00:19:04,269
要把到我的男人

344
00:19:11,401 --> 00:19:12,903
妳在做什麼?

345
00:19:13,695 --> 00:19:14,738
下車

346
00:19:15,739 --> 00:19:18,075
那是不鏽鋼製的嗎?

347
00:19:18,158 --> 00:19:23,372
少跟我甜言蜜語,荷希我要定了,我愛他

348
00:19:23,455 --> 00:19:26,792
我受夠別人稱讚我 成全他人的姿態多麼有教養

349
00:19:26,875 --> 00:19:28,669
現在妳給我下車

350
00:19:30,963 --> 00:19:33,173
絕對不准回來

351
00:19:34,091 --> 00:19:36,510
妳不能這麼做,壞人不是我

352
00:19:36,593 --> 00:19:40,097
妳破壞我的婚約,毀了我的未來

353
00:19:40,180 --> 00:19:41,723
這就叫壞人

354
00:19:42,474 --> 00:19:46,520
好吧,沒人明說這件事
但我覺得妳是納粹

355
00:19:47,187 --> 00:19:49,690
我當然是納粹

356
00:19:49,773 --> 00:19:51,400
至少可以把我的背包...

357
00:20:04,580 --> 00:20:06,874
妳要告訴我怎麼了嗎?

358
00:20:07,499 --> 00:20:12,462
其實我一直在騙你

359
00:20:13,422 --> 00:20:17,968
騙大家,但尤其是騙卡森

360
00:20:21,638 --> 00:20:22,806
我不是他的姊姊

361
00:20:24,308 --> 00:20:25,851
我是他的媽媽

362
00:20:26,935 --> 00:20:28,145
艾瑪

363
00:20:30,731 --> 00:20:32,191
聽著,原本不該這樣的

364
00:20:33,150 --> 00:20:35,611
我當時年紀很小,我爸媽把我趕出家門

365
00:20:35,694 --> 00:20:38,363
我流落到為歧途少女開設的產房

366
00:20:38,447 --> 00:20:40,532
儘管我們根本沒有誤入歧途

367
00:20:42,367 --> 00:20:44,036
卡森出生時

368
00:20:44,661 --> 00:20:47,706
我告訴卡森在內的所有人 說他是我的弟弟

369
00:20:48,874 --> 00:20:51,793
我不能讓蜜爾芮雷頓和那幫老太婆

370
00:20:51,877 --> 00:20:54,796
在得知真相後對他指指點點

371
00:20:56,757 --> 00:20:58,592
不過,當然,你現在知道了

372
00:21:00,928 --> 00:21:04,097
喬許,如果這表示我們沒戲唱,我能理解

373
00:21:04,181 --> 00:21:07,893
艾瑪,這並未改變我對妳的感情
完全沒有

374
00:21:16,443 --> 00:21:17,444
卡森

375
00:21:18,403 --> 00:21:21,657
我不是叫你沒寫完不准起來嗎?

376
00:21:21,740 --> 00:21:23,992
-你不可能...
-妳騙我,妳是大騙子

377
00:21:24,618 --> 00:21:25,744
不,卡森

378
00:21:36,046 --> 00:21:38,632
(梅麗莎)

379
00:21:45,180 --> 00:21:46,807
你弄丟我的心

380
00:21:46,890 --> 00:21:49,017
我把心交給你,你卻弄丟了

381
00:21:49,101 --> 00:21:52,229
妳確定我沒還給妳嗎?
檢查妳的後背包,我...

382
00:21:52,312 --> 00:21:54,523
那為什麼你的心在我這裡?

383
00:21:59,319 --> 00:22:00,904
也許我真的是壞人

384
00:22:07,369 --> 00:22:09,997
糟糕,這是全舞蹈的夢幻芭蕾橋段嗎?

385
00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:12,374
不...別進入夢幻芭蕾,好嗎?

386
00:22:12,457 --> 00:22:14,960
這很煩又很蠢,拖慢所有劇情

387
00:22:15,043 --> 00:22:16,837
沒人喜歡夢幻芭蕾,大家都不喜歡

388
00:22:24,761 --> 00:22:28,015
我沒時間跳這個,我得回施米加...

389
00:22:30,517 --> 00:22:33,437
其實不用,我不需要回去

390
00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:36,106
因為我在那裡沒有值得留戀的人了

391
00:22:38,108 --> 00:22:40,235
其實哪裡都沒有值得我留戀的了

392
00:22:40,319 --> 00:22:42,237
不如就待在鳥不生蛋的地方吧

393
00:22:48,285 --> 00:22:52,539
卡森...

394
00:22:53,207 --> 00:22:55,125
真令人意外啊

395
00:22:55,959 --> 00:22:57,669
這片森林我走了一輩子

396
00:22:57,753 --> 00:23:00,672
頭一次遇見180公分高的蛇

397
00:23:00,756 --> 00:23:03,467
其實是185公分 我的身體質量指數是19...

398
00:23:07,304 --> 00:23:08,889
誰叫你要搶走我的女人

399
00:23:09,765 --> 00:23:13,393
她根本沒和我在一起了 她正和羅培茲醫生交往

400
00:23:24,071 --> 00:23:26,865
(喬許)

401
00:23:31,662 --> 00:23:34,581
到時候會有霓虹招牌,煙霧彌漫的房間

402
00:23:34,665 --> 00:23:36,792
撞球間與接客小妹

403
00:23:36,875 --> 00:23:38,877
未婚懷孕的放蕩女

404
00:23:38,961 --> 00:23:41,004
出口成髒的暴力男

405
00:23:41,088 --> 00:23:43,090
惡魔在你家前廊跳舞

406
00:23:43,173 --> 00:23:45,175
趁著月黑風高從嬰兒床偷走寶寶

407
00:23:45,259 --> 00:23:47,344
牛羊雜交

408
00:23:47,427 --> 00:23:49,596
生出額上有獸印的小孩

409
00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:53,642
全拜那兩個外地人所賜 史金納醫生與金寶小姐

410
00:23:53,725 --> 00:23:58,021
最好抓緊丈夫,看好妻子

411
00:23:58,105 --> 00:24:01,775
接下來鎮上會大事不妙,雞犬不寧

412
00:24:01,859 --> 00:24:03,944
-我們會雞犬不寧
-雞犬不寧

413
00:24:04,027 --> 00:24:06,780
-還會大事不妙
-大事不妙

414
00:24:06,864 --> 00:24:10,617
-更別說還有異族通婚
-聽起來很不妙

415
00:24:10,701 --> 00:24:12,744
-趕緊向上帝祈禱
-向上帝祈禱

416
00:24:12,828 --> 00:24:14,997
-速速拯救我們
-速速拯救我們

417
00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:18,458
因為我們會雞犬不寧,施米加多大事不妙

418
00:24:19,501 --> 00:24:21,670
-投票的時候到了
-投票

419
00:24:21,753 --> 00:24:24,006
-投給雷頓
-投給雷頓

420
00:24:24,089 --> 00:24:27,301
只有她能從撒旦手中拯救小鎮

421
00:24:27,384 --> 00:24:28,385
立刻拯救我們

422
00:24:28,468 --> 00:24:30,345
-衷心希望她能夠
-希望她能夠

423
00:24:30,429 --> 00:24:32,598
-速速拯救我們
-速速拯救我們

424
00:24:32,681 --> 00:24:35,434
因為我們會雞犬不寧,大事不妙

425
00:24:35,517 --> 00:24:37,686
雞犬不寧,大事不妙

426
00:24:37,769 --> 00:24:39,897
家門不幸,驚慌失措

427
00:24:39,980 --> 00:24:42,065
家門不幸,驚慌失措

428
00:24:42,149 --> 00:24:47,779
雞犬不寧,大事不妙

429
00:24:47,863 --> 00:24:51,617
施米加多出事了

430
00:24:53,619 --> 00:24:55,621
字幕翻譯:陳彥含