1
00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:50,133
Peyton got it.
2
00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:52,886
Peyton got it?
3
00:00:54,346 --> 00:00:55,430
I don't believe it.
4
00:00:55,514 --> 00:00:58,267
Why does everyone care
so much about Peyton?
5
00:00:58,350 --> 00:01:01,103
You should meet with Dean Chang.
Make her give you some answers.
6
00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:03,981
-Seriously, let's schedule an appointment.
-Why? What's she gonna say?
7
00:01:04,063 --> 00:01:06,900
Anyway, I'm fine.
I didn't become a surgeon for fellowships.
8
00:01:06,984 --> 00:01:09,278
I did it because I wanted to help people
without having to talk to them.
9
00:01:09,361 --> 00:01:13,031
Just ask her what happened so
you'll know you did everything you could.
10
00:01:13,115 --> 00:01:15,033
-I mean, Peyton?
-Please stop.
11
00:01:15,868 --> 00:01:17,077
Okay.
12
00:01:17,995 --> 00:01:19,371
Well, I'm sorry, sweetheart.
13
00:01:19,454 --> 00:01:21,582
It's just a doggy-dog world.
14
00:01:24,710 --> 00:01:27,588
I'm sorry, did you just say
it's a "doggy-dog" world?
15
00:01:27,671 --> 00:01:31,008
No, when a fellowship
that should so clearly go to you,
16
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:32,968
-goes to someone--
-Hold on. Hold on.
17
00:01:33,051 --> 00:01:34,303
Doggy-dog?
18
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:37,514
Oh, Mel.
19
00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:40,142
You just put me
in a really difficult position
20
00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:43,312
because I need you
to keep saying "doggy-dog,"
21
00:01:43,395 --> 00:01:48,108
but it's my obligation to tell you
that the expression is "dog-eat-dog."
22
00:01:48,817 --> 00:01:51,278
I don't think so. It's doggy-dog.
23
00:01:52,070 --> 00:01:53,530
You're doubling down?
24
00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:58,952
Dog-eat-dog doesn't make sense.
Dogs don't eat dogs. That never happens.
25
00:01:59,036 --> 00:02:00,913
Then what does "doggy-dog" mean?
26
00:02:00,996 --> 00:02:02,581
It means, like, it's a rough world.
27
00:02:02,664 --> 00:02:05,834
You can be brought down so low,
a dog would have you for a pet.
28
00:02:05,918 --> 00:02:07,794
You'd be doggy to a dog.
29
00:02:07,878 --> 00:02:10,130
Okay. A question comes to mind.
30
00:02:10,214 --> 00:02:12,216
Is English your first language?
31
00:02:12,716 --> 00:02:14,051
-Okay, babe.
-No, I'm sorry.
32
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:16,803
Listen, I love you. It's okay to be wrong.
33
00:02:16,887 --> 00:02:17,888
Well, I'm not wrong.
34
00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:20,224
And I was just trying
to make you feel better.
35
00:02:20,307 --> 00:02:21,725
You did.
36
00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:33,987
I'm sorry about today.
37
00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:39,159
You were right about doggy-dog.
38
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:41,286
Makes a lot of sense.
39
00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:43,288
Thank you, sweetie.
40
00:02:43,914 --> 00:02:45,999
And I'm sorry about the fellowship.
41
00:02:46,083 --> 00:02:47,084
Thank you.
42
00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:51,463
And you, you wouldn't eat another dog,
would you?
43
00:02:51,547 --> 00:02:54,216
No, you wouldn't. You would never.
44
00:02:54,299 --> 00:02:57,469
But you would have your own dog
for a pet, wouldn't you?
45
00:02:57,553 --> 00:02:59,096
Yes, you would.
46
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:01,390
Look at that. He agrees with me.
47
00:03:12,442 --> 00:03:14,403
Melissa, my word, you're disrobing.
48
00:03:14,486 --> 00:03:16,697
No-- Oh, no, just my shoes. It's late.
49
00:03:16,780 --> 00:03:19,283
What a breath of fresh air you are.
50
00:03:19,992 --> 00:03:22,995
How do you think of these things?
You're such a free spirit.
51
00:03:23,787 --> 00:03:24,997
That's me.
52
00:03:25,998 --> 00:03:27,708
Okay, well, here we go.
53
00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:32,129
Piggies, we are giving ourselves
to nature.
54
00:03:36,008 --> 00:03:38,510
Shall we be tender monkeys?
55
00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:42,890
You're a little different in love.
56
00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:47,436
But you know what?
I'm into it because I'm not controlling.
57
00:03:48,353 --> 00:03:50,689
How about instead
we go over our top threes of the day?
58
00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:54,026
By which I mean
the day's three worst moments.
59
00:03:54,109 --> 00:03:56,695
Seems you have turned
my world on its head.
60
00:03:56,778 --> 00:03:58,780
Jorge, you don't have to do that.
61
00:03:58,864 --> 00:04:02,075
It's just a dumb thing
I used to do with an old boyfriend,
62
00:04:02,159 --> 00:04:03,702
and I shouldn't have mentioned it.
63
00:04:03,785 --> 00:04:08,040
Okay, but my number one is when
Helen Pritt gave me the stink eye
64
00:04:08,123 --> 00:04:10,000
for using the word "constipated."
65
00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:14,254
Oh, how positively savage. "Constipated."
66
00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:17,925
What was your number one?
67
00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:21,303
Oh, my number one of the day...
68
00:04:21,386 --> 00:04:23,680
well, it was me. I was a horrible doctor.
69
00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:26,475
Oh, no. Although--
70
00:04:26,558 --> 00:04:29,228
Maybe you could prescribe
less radium water, but--
71
00:04:29,311 --> 00:04:32,481
I was distracted all day because
my thoughts were only of you, darling.
72
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:36,818
How you crack me open
and let the light flood in.
73
00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:42,908
It's crazy, but I feel like
you've done the same for me.
74
00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:45,869
Seems like forever
since I've been this happy.
75
00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:54,962
Suddenly you've got my senses reeling
76
00:04:55,963 --> 00:05:01,176
Is it just the thrill of something new?
77
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:06,807
Suddenly these feelings that I'm feeling
78
00:05:07,599 --> 00:05:12,312
If they're real, then what am I to do?
79
00:05:13,897 --> 00:05:19,570
There's no sense
In trying to explain it
80
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:26,326
What and where and why
And when and how
81
00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:32,749
All I know is suddenly I love you
82
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:39,214
And suddenly that's all that matters
83
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:42,926
Now
84
00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:56,982
Oh, I'm so sorry.
85
00:05:57,065 --> 00:05:59,193
It's my fault, I'm sure.
86
00:06:00,068 --> 00:06:03,697
Oh, looky everyone.
The countess has returned early.
87
00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:04,781
How wonderful!
88
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:07,868
Melissa, this is
the Countess Gabriele Von Blerkom.
89
00:06:07,951 --> 00:06:11,663
-She also invented stainless steel.
-Jorge, please.
90
00:06:11,747 --> 00:06:15,459
I dabble in aluminothermic
reduction processes and I got lucky.
91
00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:19,963
Oh, my gosh.
This is just like Sound of Music.
92
00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:22,257
Let me guess,
you're just back from the city
93
00:06:22,341 --> 00:06:24,384
and you're supposed to marry him, right?
94
00:06:25,135 --> 00:06:29,014
Have we met? 'Cause I'd never forget
such a lovely creature.
95
00:06:29,681 --> 00:06:31,266
What a beautiful couple you two make.
96
00:06:32,434 --> 00:06:34,478
Blerky, Blerky. You silly, silly, Blerky.
97
00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:37,022
No, no. Do you think
this woman and I were dancing?
98
00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:39,024
No, I was just simply spinning her around
99
00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:41,860
to dislodge the food
that she was choking--
100
00:06:41,944 --> 00:06:43,320
I'm Melissa, the new nurse.
101
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,656
Although you look much newer, Blerky,
102
00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:48,534
you shine and sparkle so!
103
00:06:48,617 --> 00:06:51,745
Jorge, I'm parched.
Do root out some champagne.
104
00:06:51,828 --> 00:06:53,038
Yes, of course.
105
00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:58,043
He's in love with you.
106
00:06:59,002 --> 00:07:01,171
Well, he'd hardly be a man if he weren't.
107
00:07:01,255 --> 00:07:04,633
Oh-- Stop it. No. I mean, I guess.
108
00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:07,177
You are a goddess.
109
00:07:07,261 --> 00:07:09,721
You're so smart and stunning.
110
00:07:10,347 --> 00:07:12,391
Compared to you, I'm a barefoot mess.
111
00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:16,687
What fun.
112
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:19,147
Let's just go find your shoes, shall we?
113
00:07:19,231 --> 00:07:23,485
The truth is, it's crazy,
but Jorge and I are in love.
114
00:07:23,569 --> 00:07:25,028
And I know that must hurt,
115
00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:30,576
but I have this feeling,
a vision let's call it,
116
00:07:30,659 --> 00:07:33,370
that you are going
to graciously step aside.
117
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:37,249
I can't explain how I know.
Let's call it a sixth sense.
118
00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:40,502
Oh, there are so many things
one could call it.
119
00:07:43,297 --> 00:07:45,299
What sweaty little hands you have.
120
00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:49,469
You and I must
get to know each other better.
121
00:07:49,553 --> 00:07:52,848
Oh, I know.
We'll go for a drive. Tomorrow?
122
00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:55,017
I would love that, Blerky.
123
00:07:56,435 --> 00:07:59,021
You feel comfortable enough
to call me that.
124
00:08:02,566 --> 00:08:04,359
It's raisin bread.
125
00:08:04,443 --> 00:08:06,195
-Yeah.
-It's coleslaw.
126
00:08:06,278 --> 00:08:08,655
Sarsaparilla soda?
127
00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:15,120
My sister must really like you.
She's never smiled like this before.
128
00:08:15,204 --> 00:08:17,748
Everyone in town thinks she's a sad sack.
129
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:19,041
Carson.
130
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:22,252
Why don't you go count the ants
over by that pine tree?
131
00:08:22,336 --> 00:08:23,587
Absolutely.
132
00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:29,426
Well, whatever everyone in town thinks,
it's better than what I think of them.
133
00:08:29,510 --> 00:08:30,594
Smiling is overrated.
134
00:08:31,762 --> 00:08:32,971
Twenty-six ants!
135
00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:34,847
Keep counting, buddy!
136
00:08:36,558 --> 00:08:40,312
So, how long are you going
to be in Schmigadoon?
137
00:08:40,395 --> 00:08:44,483
I ask because I've had difficulties
navigating the ins and outs
138
00:08:44,566 --> 00:08:46,068
of handyman season before.
139
00:08:46,652 --> 00:08:48,362
Well, to be honest, I don't know.
140
00:08:48,445 --> 00:08:50,405
I really need to get back to New York.
141
00:08:50,489 --> 00:08:53,033
But you can't. I mean, it isn't safe.
142
00:08:53,909 --> 00:08:55,494
It's filled with gambling and crime
143
00:08:55,577 --> 00:08:58,539
and poor souls who've tried to make it big
144
00:08:58,622 --> 00:09:01,333
but can't go back home
because of foolish pride.
145
00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:03,669
See, but that's what I love
about New York.
146
00:09:04,253 --> 00:09:07,631
There are so many people
in the city from all walks of life.
147
00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:10,384
I don't know, maybe it's just because
you can't keep track of them all,
148
00:09:10,467 --> 00:09:14,388
but-- but everyone in New York's
got the chance to reinvent themselves.
149
00:09:22,563 --> 00:09:25,899
My sister kissed Dr. Skinner! My sister!
150
00:09:25,983 --> 00:09:28,402
Carson, you know better than to spy.
151
00:09:28,485 --> 00:09:30,153
That will be sentences when we get home.
152
00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:33,615
Sentences? Then I'm never telling you
how many ants there are.
153
00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:37,244
He thinks everyone's
got to know everyone's business.
154
00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:40,372
It's all right.
Maybe he'll grow up to be a reporter.
155
00:09:40,455 --> 00:09:41,582
I can see that headline.
156
00:09:41,665 --> 00:09:44,918
"Emma Kisses Dr. Skinner:
Schoolmarm Scandal."
157
00:09:46,837 --> 00:09:49,631
No, it's okay. He knows he has a lisp.
158
00:09:50,215 --> 00:09:52,885
I had one too.
We don't pretend that it doesn't exist.
159
00:09:54,052 --> 00:09:56,597
You know what?
You are doing a great job with him.
160
00:09:57,431 --> 00:10:00,100
It can't be easy
being both a sister and a parent.
161
00:10:01,059 --> 00:10:03,061
That's really none of your business.
162
00:10:03,145 --> 00:10:05,647
What? I'm sorry.
I meant that as a compliment.
163
00:10:05,731 --> 00:10:07,024
Well, thank you for that.
164
00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:09,776
Oh, dear. It looks like rain.
165
00:10:09,860 --> 00:10:12,070
-It's clear.
-Well, that's the pattern, isn't it?
166
00:10:12,154 --> 00:10:14,406
No rain. Rain. No rain. Rain.
167
00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:17,492
Oh, it's been so nice seeing you, Josh,
168
00:10:17,576 --> 00:10:20,037
but Carson and I really need
to be on our way.
169
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,622
Wait. Emma, what's wrong?
170
00:10:21,705 --> 00:10:23,123
Carson, it's time to go.
171
00:10:23,207 --> 00:10:25,417
-But Dr. Skinner was--
-No, we need to go.
172
00:10:29,338 --> 00:10:30,339
Wha--
173
00:10:31,256 --> 00:10:32,257
Emma.
174
00:10:46,688 --> 00:10:48,524
-Good afternoon, Mrs. Layton.
-Is it?
175
00:10:49,233 --> 00:10:50,317
Pardon?
176
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,986
Oh, sir, I hear you. Yes, I hear you.
177
00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:55,989
And normally I'd agree that, yes,
it is a good afternoon.
178
00:10:56,073 --> 00:11:00,285
But not this afternoon.
Not with the state of our town today.
179
00:11:00,911 --> 00:11:03,664
We've got tribulation, my good sir
180
00:11:03,747 --> 00:11:05,916
We've got tribulation in Schmigadoon
181
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:09,837
Look down there, do you see what I see?
Peanut shells in the street
182
00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:12,464
Lying there like passed-out drunks
In the gutter
183
00:11:12,548 --> 00:11:15,092
Turning town square
Into the floor of a saloon
184
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:17,302
The home of loose woman
And hooch-happy sinners
185
00:11:17,386 --> 00:11:19,429
A petting pantry
In the middle of the street
186
00:11:19,513 --> 00:11:21,181
Is that what our town's become?
187
00:11:21,265 --> 00:11:23,100
Is that the future
We want for our children?
188
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,852
I'm telling ya things have changed
189
00:11:24,935 --> 00:11:26,979
Ever since those two outsiders waltzed in
190
00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:30,023
With their big city ways
And their newfangled ideas
191
00:11:30,107 --> 00:11:32,150
Promiscuity and depravity
192
00:11:32,776 --> 00:11:34,695
Interlopers interloping
193
00:11:34,778 --> 00:11:36,780
With hearts colder than the hinges of hell
194
00:11:36,864 --> 00:11:38,615
First the two of them arrived unmarried
195
00:11:38,699 --> 00:11:41,076
Brimming with lust
Wanting to share a bed
196
00:11:41,159 --> 00:11:43,287
Then the brazen display
At the basket auction
197
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:45,539
Now the mayor's out
Proclaiming his perversions
198
00:11:45,622 --> 00:11:47,374
At the root of it all are two strangers
199
00:11:47,457 --> 00:11:49,751
Who've never cracked a Bible in their life
200
00:11:49,835 --> 00:11:53,130
And that's gonna lead
To tribulation and strife
201
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:55,549
Now I've got nothing against outsiders
202
00:11:56,091 --> 00:11:58,177
Provided they're the right kind of people
203
00:11:58,260 --> 00:12:00,888
Kind of folk who look and talk
And act like us
204
00:12:00,971 --> 00:12:03,015
Like peas in a pod
And birds of a feather
205
00:12:03,098 --> 00:12:05,350
Not loudmouthed trash
With their tommyrot, flapdoodle
206
00:12:05,434 --> 00:12:07,603
Claptrap, fiddle-faddle, jiggery-pokery
207
00:12:07,686 --> 00:12:09,897
Stirring up the cream
While we're waiting for it to settle
208
00:12:09,980 --> 00:12:11,982
Like vermin in the root cellar
Flies in the buttermilk
209
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:13,984
And they're influencing
There, I said it
210
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,028
They're influencing your children
211
00:12:16,111 --> 00:12:18,322
Like an earwig crawling
From their ears to their brains
212
00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:20,616
And soon your young 'uns
Will be neglecting chores
213
00:12:20,699 --> 00:12:22,910
Milk going sour
Unstrained in the springhouse
214
00:12:22,993 --> 00:12:25,037
Back talk at dinner
No time for the good book
215
00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:27,456
Ragtime blaring on the Victrola
216
00:12:27,539 --> 00:12:29,166
And that's just the beginning, folks
217
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:30,834
Soon you won't even, no you won't
218
00:12:30,918 --> 00:12:33,003
No, you won't even recognize your own town
219
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:36,006
I'm talking 'bout neon signs
Smoke-filled rooms
220
00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:38,217
Billiard parlors and painted ladies
221
00:12:38,300 --> 00:12:40,302
Wanton women having children
Out of wedlock
222
00:12:40,385 --> 00:12:42,429
Rowdy men using filthy language
223
00:12:42,513 --> 00:12:44,723
The devil himself dancing
On your front porch
224
00:12:44,806 --> 00:12:46,808
Stealing your babies
Out of their cribs at midnight
225
00:12:46,892 --> 00:12:48,977
Cows and sheep having amorous congress
226
00:12:49,061 --> 00:12:51,230
Children with the mark of the beast
On their foreheads
227
00:12:51,313 --> 00:12:55,275
All thanks to these two out-of-towners
Dr. Skinner and Miss Gimble
228
00:12:55,359 --> 00:12:59,696
Better hold on to your husband
Best keep an eye on your wife
229
00:12:59,780 --> 00:13:03,450
There's gonna be
Some tribulation and strife
230
00:13:03,534 --> 00:13:05,619
-Oh, we've got strife
-Got strife
231
00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:08,455
-And tribulation
-Tribulation
232
00:13:08,539 --> 00:13:12,292
-And not to mention miscegenation
-That sounds bad
233
00:13:12,376 --> 00:13:14,419
-Let's pray the Lord
-Pray the Lord
234
00:13:14,503 --> 00:13:16,672
-Will save us soon
-Save us soon
235
00:13:16,755 --> 00:13:20,133
'Cause we've got strife
And tribulation in Schmigadoon!
236
00:13:20,217 --> 00:13:22,010
Strife, strife, strife, strife
237
00:13:22,094 --> 00:13:23,387
Strife, strife, strife
238
00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:24,555
I can't hear y'all!
239
00:13:24,638 --> 00:13:26,265
Strife, strife, strife
240
00:13:27,683 --> 00:13:29,226
I love this town.
241
00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:32,354
Y'all know my great-great-granddaddy
founded Schmigadoon
242
00:13:32,437 --> 00:13:35,524
when he came upon this
beautiful tract of land and said,
243
00:13:35,607 --> 00:13:37,317
"They'll never find us here."
244
00:13:37,401 --> 00:13:39,486
But it pains me. It pains me
245
00:13:39,570 --> 00:13:42,656
to see our town slipping away
right before our very eyes.
246
00:13:42,739 --> 00:13:45,158
I tried to alert the mayor,
but his mind was elsewhere.
247
00:13:45,242 --> 00:13:46,368
In his pants!
248
00:13:46,994 --> 00:13:49,538
His poor wife is so ashamed
she locked herself inside her house.
249
00:13:49,621 --> 00:13:51,039
And this time, on purpose.
250
00:13:51,123 --> 00:13:52,374
I'm sorry, Florence!
251
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:57,129
New leadership.
That's what Schmigadoon needs.
252
00:13:57,671 --> 00:13:58,672
But who?
253
00:13:58,755 --> 00:14:02,467
Who has the moral wherewithal,
the traditional how-to,
254
00:14:02,551 --> 00:14:06,513
the good, old-fashioned,
all-American je ne sais quoi
255
00:14:06,597 --> 00:14:08,390
to stand up to these two outsiders?
256
00:14:08,473 --> 00:14:10,934
-Mildred Layton for mayor!
-I couldn't.
257
00:14:11,018 --> 00:14:13,145
-Mildred Layton for mayor!
-I wouldn't.
258
00:14:13,228 --> 00:14:16,398
-Mildred Layton for mayor!
-Mildred Layton for mayor!
259
00:14:18,483 --> 00:14:19,818
Okay, I'll do it.
260
00:14:21,236 --> 00:14:23,405
-It's time to vote
-To vote
261
00:14:23,488 --> 00:14:25,741
-And vote for Layton
-Vote for Layton
262
00:14:25,824 --> 00:14:29,036
She is the only one who'll
Save our town from Satan
263
00:14:29,119 --> 00:14:30,120
Save us now
264
00:14:30,204 --> 00:14:32,080
-Let's hope that she
-Hope that she
265
00:14:32,164 --> 00:14:34,333
-Will save us soon
-Save us soon
266
00:14:34,416 --> 00:14:37,169
'Cause we've got strife and tribulation
267
00:14:37,252 --> 00:14:39,421
Strife and tribulation
268
00:14:39,505 --> 00:14:41,632
Grief and consternation
269
00:14:41,715 --> 00:14:43,800
Grief and consternation
270
00:14:43,884 --> 00:14:49,515
Strife and tribulation
271
00:14:49,598 --> 00:14:56,063
In Schmigadoon
272
00:14:58,732 --> 00:15:00,108
Sorry, Pete!
273
00:15:01,193 --> 00:15:05,322
I want you to write
"I will not spy" 500 times.
274
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:08,200
And do not get up until you do.
Do you understand me?
275
00:15:15,999 --> 00:15:18,085
This is outrageous.
276
00:15:20,045 --> 00:15:21,797
Hey, can I have your pencil, sport?
277
00:15:25,050 --> 00:15:28,428
So, what do you think happened
at the picnic?
278
00:15:28,512 --> 00:15:30,722
Why did your sister get so mad?
279
00:15:30,806 --> 00:15:32,349
She's a mystery.
280
00:15:34,810 --> 00:15:36,520
Here, you can write twice as fast.
281
00:15:37,980 --> 00:15:39,106
Let's see.
282
00:15:44,152 --> 00:15:45,654
We're cheating!
283
00:15:45,737 --> 00:15:47,447
No, I'm not teaching you how to cheat.
284
00:15:47,531 --> 00:15:49,783
This is totally fair.
It's the Air Bud rule.
285
00:15:50,951 --> 00:15:53,954
Oh, boy. There's movies here, right?
286
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:56,373
Moving pictures?
287
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:59,334
Oh, yes, sir.
I saw one at the nickelodeon.
288
00:15:59,418 --> 00:16:03,172
It was of a man on a bicycle.
It was like he was right there.
289
00:16:03,255 --> 00:16:06,091
Great. So Air Bud is about a dog
290
00:16:06,175 --> 00:16:09,261
who gets to play
on a middle school basketball team,
291
00:16:09,344 --> 00:16:13,140
because there's nothing in the rule book
that specifically says he can't.
292
00:16:13,932 --> 00:16:18,228
So we're not cheating,
we're just exploiting a loophole.
293
00:16:18,312 --> 00:16:19,646
Gee, thanks!
294
00:16:21,815 --> 00:16:23,984
Carson, I just...
295
00:16:24,067 --> 00:16:25,819
I don't wanna leave you
with the impression
296
00:16:25,903 --> 00:16:27,821
that you shouldn't work hard on stuff.
297
00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:32,367
Or that Air Bud is a good movie.
I mean, it's no Man on Bicycle.
298
00:16:42,085 --> 00:16:44,838
Then you just remove the carbon
from the molten steel
299
00:16:44,922 --> 00:16:48,258
until it reaches a composition
that can maintain the microstructure.
300
00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:55,724
I once had to boil soup in
my stainless steel trash can, long story,
301
00:16:55,807 --> 00:16:58,519
and it saved Thanksgiving, so thank you.
302
00:17:00,771 --> 00:17:01,939
And I just wanna say,
303
00:17:02,022 --> 00:17:06,234
I know it is bonkers for Jorge
to choose me over you.
304
00:17:06,318 --> 00:17:07,861
I mean, you could have anyone.
305
00:17:07,944 --> 00:17:11,490
Alfred Hitchcock would turn down
a custard pie to torture you.
306
00:17:11,573 --> 00:17:12,574
Love is weird.
307
00:17:13,659 --> 00:17:16,203
Oh, it happens all the time, my dear.
308
00:17:16,286 --> 00:17:18,704
Powerful men can never resist the help.
309
00:17:20,665 --> 00:17:22,416
Well, thank you for understanding.
310
00:17:22,501 --> 00:17:24,627
It makes me feel so much better.
311
00:17:25,671 --> 00:17:28,006
It's actually been the story of my life.
312
00:17:29,883 --> 00:17:31,635
Wait. You get a song?
313
00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:34,096
That's surprising.
You're kind of a minor cha--
314
00:17:34,179 --> 00:17:35,931
Wait. My backpack, why--
315
00:17:36,014 --> 00:17:41,311
Once I wooed a Swede named Bjorn
Had his maid bring tea each morn
316
00:17:41,395 --> 00:17:44,147
Turns out horny Bjorn
He loved servant porn
317
00:17:44,231 --> 00:17:47,025
And poof went my plan
318
00:17:47,109 --> 00:17:49,695
I am beautiful and clever
319
00:17:49,778 --> 00:17:55,117
And I always, always never get my man
320
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:57,703
Should you be driving and singing?
321
00:17:57,786 --> 00:18:03,083
There was Tex who traded stocks
Hired a girl to darn his socks
322
00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:08,839
And when Texy's socks led to sexy talks
I was out on my can
323
00:18:08,922 --> 00:18:11,508
Give my all to each endeavor
324
00:18:11,592 --> 00:18:16,722
And I always, always never get my man
325
00:18:16,805 --> 00:18:22,311
Fell in love with Cole's 1930 Rolls
Dreamed that I would be his bride
326
00:18:22,394 --> 00:18:25,314
But when his chauffeur
Turned out to be a her
327
00:18:25,397 --> 00:18:27,316
They both took me for a ride
328
00:18:29,276 --> 00:18:31,320
How is it still driving?
329
00:18:33,197 --> 00:18:35,782
Seems I'll never end this curse
330
00:18:35,866 --> 00:18:38,660
'Cause now my doctor has this nurse
331
00:18:38,744 --> 00:18:41,330
And what's worse the nurse
Wants me to disperse
332
00:18:41,413 --> 00:18:44,082
Like dust from a fan
333
00:18:44,166 --> 00:18:46,752
So I hope you've had your fun
334
00:18:46,835 --> 00:18:49,963
'Cause the fact is, girl, you're done
335
00:18:50,047 --> 00:18:54,551
'Cause this time, hon
Oh, this time, hon
336
00:18:54,635 --> 00:18:58,430
Yeah, this time, hon
I am gonna
337
00:18:58,514 --> 00:19:04,269
Gonna get my man
338
00:19:11,401 --> 00:19:12,903
What are you doing?
339
00:19:13,695 --> 00:19:14,738
Get out.
340
00:19:15,739 --> 00:19:18,075
Is that stainless steel?
341
00:19:18,158 --> 00:19:23,372
Oh, don't sweet-talk me.
I want Jorge. I love him.
342
00:19:23,455 --> 00:19:26,792
And I'm tired of being told
how well-mannered I am for stepping aside.
343
00:19:26,875 --> 00:19:28,669
Now get out of the car!
344
00:19:30,963 --> 00:19:33,173
And don't even think about coming back.
345
00:19:34,091 --> 00:19:36,510
You can't do this.
I'm not the bad guy here.
346
00:19:36,593 --> 00:19:40,097
You walked into my engagement
and destroyed my future.
347
00:19:40,180 --> 00:19:41,723
That's called being the bad guy.
348
00:19:42,474 --> 00:19:46,520
Yeah, well, it's never explicitly stated,
but I think you're a Nazi.
349
00:19:47,187 --> 00:19:49,690
Of course I'm a Nazi.
350
00:19:49,773 --> 00:19:51,400
Can I at least have my backpa--
351
00:20:04,580 --> 00:20:06,874
You wanna tell me what's going on?
352
00:20:07,499 --> 00:20:12,462
What is going on
is I have been lying to you.
353
00:20:13,422 --> 00:20:17,968
To everyone. But especially to Carson.
354
00:20:21,638 --> 00:20:22,806
I'm not his sister.
355
00:20:24,308 --> 00:20:25,851
I'm his mother.
356
00:20:26,935 --> 00:20:28,145
Oh, Emma.
357
00:20:30,731 --> 00:20:32,191
Look, it wasn't meant to happen.
358
00:20:33,150 --> 00:20:35,611
I was so young, and my parents evicted me,
359
00:20:35,694 --> 00:20:38,363
and I wound up in a maternity ward
for wayward girls,
360
00:20:38,447 --> 00:20:40,532
although we were anything but.
361
00:20:42,367 --> 00:20:44,036
And when Carson was born,
362
00:20:44,661 --> 00:20:47,706
I told everyone, including him,
that he was my brother.
363
00:20:48,874 --> 00:20:51,793
I just couldn't let Mildred Layton
and her biddy brigade
364
00:20:51,877 --> 00:20:54,796
say what they would say about him
if they knew the truth.
365
00:20:56,757 --> 00:20:58,592
But, of course, now you know.
366
00:21:00,928 --> 00:21:04,097
So I understand if this means
it's over between us, Josh.
367
00:21:04,181 --> 00:21:07,893
It doesn't change
how I feel about you, Emma. At all.
368
00:21:16,443 --> 00:21:17,444
Carson.
369
00:21:18,403 --> 00:21:21,657
I thought I told you to stay in your seat
until you were done.
370
00:21:21,740 --> 00:21:23,992
-You can't possi--
-You lied to me. You're a liar!
371
00:21:24,618 --> 00:21:25,744
No, Carson.
372
00:21:45,180 --> 00:21:46,807
You lost my heart.
373
00:21:46,890 --> 00:21:49,017
I gave you my heart, and you lost it.
374
00:21:49,101 --> 00:21:52,229
Are you sure I didn't give it back to you?
Check your backpack. 'Cause I'm--
375
00:21:52,312 --> 00:21:54,523
Then why do I have your heart?
376
00:21:59,319 --> 00:22:00,904
Maybe I am the bad guy.
377
00:22:07,369 --> 00:22:09,997
Oh, no, is this a dream ballet?
378
00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:12,374
No, no, we're not having a dream ballet.
Okay?
379
00:22:12,457 --> 00:22:14,960
They're annoying and stupid.
They slow everything down.
380
00:22:15,043 --> 00:22:16,837
Nobody likes a dream ballet. Nobody.
381
00:22:24,761 --> 00:22:28,015
I don't have time for one.
I have to get back to Schmiga--
382
00:22:30,517 --> 00:22:33,437
Actually, no, I don't have to get back
383
00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:36,106
because there's nothing for me there.
384
00:22:38,108 --> 00:22:40,235
There's no reason for me
to be anywhere, really,
385
00:22:40,319 --> 00:22:42,237
so might as well be nowhere.
386
00:22:48,285 --> 00:22:52,539
Carson! Carson! Carson!
387
00:22:53,207 --> 00:22:55,125
Well, well, well.
388
00:22:55,959 --> 00:22:57,669
I've walked these woods all my life.
389
00:22:57,753 --> 00:23:00,672
This is the first time
I came across a six-foot snake.
390
00:23:00,756 --> 00:23:03,467
6'1", actually. And my BMI is 19--
391
00:23:07,304 --> 00:23:08,889
That's for stealing my gal.
392
00:23:09,765 --> 00:23:13,393
She isn't even with me anymore,
she's with Doc Lopez.
393
00:23:31,662 --> 00:23:34,581
I'm talking 'bout neon signs
Smoke-filled rooms
394
00:23:34,665 --> 00:23:36,792
Billiard parlors and painted ladies
395
00:23:36,875 --> 00:23:38,877
Wanton women having children
Out of wedlock
396
00:23:38,961 --> 00:23:41,004
Rowdy men using filthy language
397
00:23:41,088 --> 00:23:43,090
The devil himself dancing
On your front porch
398
00:23:43,173 --> 00:23:45,175
Stealing your babies
From their cribs at midnight
399
00:23:45,259 --> 00:23:47,344
Cows and sheep having amorous congress
400
00:23:47,427 --> 00:23:49,596
Children with the mark of the beast
On their foreheads
401
00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:53,642
All thanks to these two out-of-towners
Dr. Skinner and Miss Gimble
402
00:23:53,725 --> 00:23:58,021
Better hold on to your husband
Best keep an eye on your wife
403
00:23:58,105 --> 00:24:01,775
There's gonna be
Some tribulation and strife
404
00:24:01,859 --> 00:24:03,944
-Oh, we've got strife
-Got strife
405
00:24:04,027 --> 00:24:06,780
-And tribulation
-Tribulation
406
00:24:06,864 --> 00:24:10,617
-And not to mention miscegenation
-Ooh, that sounds bad
407
00:24:10,701 --> 00:24:12,744
-Let's pray the Lord
-Pray the Lord
408
00:24:12,828 --> 00:24:14,997
-Will save us soon
-Save us soon
409
00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:18,458
'Cause we've got strife
And tribulation in Schmigadoon!
410
00:24:19,501 --> 00:24:21,670
-It's time to vote
-To vote
411
00:24:21,753 --> 00:24:24,006
-And vote for Layton
-Vote for Layton
412
00:24:24,089 --> 00:24:27,301
She is the only one who'll
Save our town from Satan
413
00:24:27,384 --> 00:24:28,385
Save us now
414
00:24:28,468 --> 00:24:30,345
-Let's hope that she
-Hope that she
415
00:24:30,429 --> 00:24:32,598
-Will save us soon
-Save us soon
416
00:24:32,681 --> 00:24:35,434
'Cause we've got strife
And tribulation
417
00:24:35,517 --> 00:24:37,686
Strife and tribulation
418
00:24:37,769 --> 00:24:39,897
Grief and consternation
419
00:24:39,980 --> 00:24:42,065
Grief and consternation
420
00:24:42,149 --> 00:24:47,779
Strife and tribulation
421
00:24:47,863 --> 00:24:54,620
In Schmigadoon