And thank you to my amazing bridesmaids for making it out here
to Alliance, Nebraska, for our destination wedding.
And finally, I'd like to raise a glass to my Grandpa and Grandma Froimson
for showing me what true love should look like.
Fifty years ago they went on a walk and walked straight to the courthouse.
They just knew.
My grandpa called it the "Froimson Feeling."
And, Eddie, I have the Froimson Feeling for you.
All right, bridesmaids. Time to dance.
I don't know this song. Nicole never warned me about this.
The instructions are in the song. Just follow along.
To the right, to the right To the left, to the right
To the left, to the left
Step forward, to the right
And now, it's time for the bridesmaids' significant others
to join the ladies on the dance floor.
-Okay. -Let's bring it home.
To the right, to the right To the left, to the right
To the left, to the left
Step forward To the right, to the right
You're good. Doing great.
Step backward To the left, to the left
Would've been nice if we'd danced together.
I know, but line dancing, weddings, the whole...
I hate it. You know how much I hate it.
Yeah, but you left me up there alone, which I hate.
I'm sorry.
I love you. You know I love you, right?
Yeah, I do.
So Nicole and Eddie are married now.
Yeah. Yeah, crazy.
Even though they started dating a year after we did.
Okay. What are the top three for tonight?
Top three worst moments of the evening. Go.
Okay. Number one: When Nicole's grandfather got so drunk
that he started dancing with a tree.
Well, you can't deny the Froimson Feeling. You really--
Number two: I-- I gotta go with when that girl came out of the photo booth
-barefoot, holding a skewer of lamb. -Yeah.
She definitely did not have that skewer when she went in.
And number three is the DJ's choice of "Blurred Lines"
for the daddy-daughter dance.
The lines between daddies and daughters are pretty clear.
Damn gentlemen's punch.
Good morning, sunshine.
Hey! Thank you so much for last night.
It was really fun. So I'll see you around?
Yee honk.
Where you off to so fast? Aren't you gonna stay for breakfast?
Oh, wow.
This is a lot. You really went all out.
Well, that's what a fellow does when he's found the one.
The what now?
You done tamed me
This buck no longer is free
A lady doctor from New York City
Smiled at me with her eyes all pretty
Now I'm hooked and it's made me giddy
You done tamed me
So what do you say? You ready to make an honest man out of me?
Oh, Danny, no.
I'm flattered, but I-- This was really more of a one-night thing.
Plus, you know, Josh and I, we just had a little lovers' spat,
made some mistakes, extremely hot mistakes.
But-- Think we're gonna patch things up.
So, yup.
I'm gonna skedaddle on out of here.
And you can go back to being the town rapscallion.
But wait!
How's a broken, busted carny like me
Gonna provide for my brand-new Highfalutin, big city bride
With a kid that's on the way?
Whoa, okay. I'm not your bride.
And no need to worry about a baby
'cause I have this magic thing called an IUD.
Course if he's a boy Everything will be fine
But what if he's a girl?
A dainty, delicate, pink-wearin' Frills and curls girl?
That'd change everything
But would it? Really? And, again, I'm not preg--
And so from this day forward I vow
I'm gonna get me some money Someway, somehow
I paid a colleague to insert a copper, T-shaped device in my uterus
to prevent the implantation of--
I gotta get some money And there's no way to make it
Forget it.
So I'm gonna have to steal it Or even take it
Those are the same thing.
Or filch it Or pilfer it, or rob it, or swipe it
Or nick it, or thieve it
Or finagle it Or abscond with it...
-Come on. -Hey! Have any of you ladies seen Josh?
Show the ring.
Show the ring. Show the ring. Show the ring. Show the ring.
Show the ring. Show the ring. Show the ring.
Ladies, I'm proud to announce that from now on,
you can call me Mrs. Doctor Josh Skinner MD.
Yee honk.
Mel. Over here.
You ass. You're engaged?
After all the meltdowns you'd have
anytime I'd very casually ask to look at rings? Online?
He was going to shoot me.
What? Who?
The farmer. Betsy's father.
He pointed a full-on Elmer Fudd shotgun at my face
and forced me to propose to her on the spot. I had no choice!
It's not funny!
It kind of is.
And, by the way, that girl is apparently much younger than she looks.
Yeah, I tried to warn you.
Have you not seen Sound of Music? Liesl is 16 going on 29.
And he's a doctor!
Women were so underwritten in early musicals.
Wait a minute.
What?
Harvey, what's going on?
I'm so sorry, Miss Melissa.
They just came over all of a sudden and made me clean out your rooms.
Who's "they"?
Well, it's...
It is we.
The concerned citizens of the Mothers Against the Future.
"The Mothers Against the Future"?
So, you're against the passage of time?
We are against city folk like you
contaminating our town with your urban ways.
Exhibit A: you went off into the woods with an innocent girl and led her astray.
What? No, I didn't. Nothing even happened.
And exhibit B: you spent the night with that known fornicator Danny Bailey.
And also in my situation nothing happened.
Just the same thing that happened in his situation.
And you know what?
We are both outraged by these outlandish allegations.
The only outrageous thing here is your behavior,
which has now officially been deemed as unseemly
by the Mothers Against the Future.
Therefore, no one, and I mean no one, in Schmigadoon will give you lodging.
And, Harvey, don't even think about letting them back in after I've left.
I can read you like a book.
Oh, wait, books have spines.
Y'all have a nice day.
Let's go, ladies.
So you and the carny actually--
-Why? -Why did you do the basket auction?
I--
-Okay, look, we both made mistakes. -Yeah.
So let's just move on.
We've got more important things to deal with.
For instance, me being shot to death.
That's not gonna happen, Josh.
We're in a musical, okay? Nobody gets killed in a musical.
Except Oklahoma! And Carousel.
And South Pacific. Oh, hello, West Side Story.
That sounds like all the musicals.
So I'm dead, we have no place to stay, and we're stuck here forever.
No, we're not. Okay, here's what we're gonna do.
You go break things off with Betsy.
The farmer's not gonna shoot you.
And I will go find the mayor and see if he can help us find another place to stay.
And then what?
And then-- We're smart, we found our way out of Ikea.
We'll find a way out of here.
Okay.
Sounds good.
I'm gonna do it.
You'll be fine, I promise.
Hey, Betsy.
Hey there. And that is Mrs. Doctor Josh Skinner to you.
Oh, Betsy.
So, there is something we need to talk about.
Well, no kidding. I mean, there are so many plans to make.
I just--
I really can't wait to be married.
Yeah, that's pretty clear. But you know what?
You are still young. And how young, we'll probably never know.
But you have your whole life ahead of you,
so there's no need to rush into things, right?
But if it's true love...
Well, sure. But--
Wait a minute.
What if it is?
Who knows what Schmigadoon thinks is true love, right?
Maybe you're my way out.
Your way out of what?
But why are you so set on walking across the footbridge right now?
Is there some kind of romantic reason?
Yes, exactly.
There's a romantic reason. A very romantic reason.
What is it?
-I'm gonna tell you right now. -Okay.
What the reason is.
Because it's... really romantic.
It's something my family calls the "Skinner Feeling."
The Skinner Feeling?
Yes! So, over 50 years ago,
my grandparents went for a walk to the local footbridge.
And after they crossed,
they ended up walking straight to the courthouse to get married.
Grandpa said once he crossed that bridge with Grandma,
he knew, without a doubt, it was true love.
-It was the Skinner Feeling. -That's right.
And it's not to be doubted. And only a Skinner can feel it.
And the other person can never know whether he does or doesn't.
Dr. Josh Skinner, that is the most beautiful thing that I've ever heard.
Great. And so now it's tradition
for a Skinner to cross a bridge with their betrothed
so they can be sure that it's true love.
Well, I for one would be honored to cross this bridge with you.
-All right, sounds great. Let's do this. -Okay.
Damn it.
So did you feel it? Just like your Grandpa Skinner did?
Actually, no.
-I'm so sorry, Betsy. -But--
So then it's not true love? Are we not getting married?
I guess not. I'm as confused as you are.
Damn this Skinner Feeling! It's a curse is what it is.
Papa's not gonna like this.
Yeah, so maybe we should hold off letting him know
out of consideration for his feelings and my life?
Papa!
Wait! Seriously, don't tell Papa!
You'll be okay, Betsy! There are plenty other guys out there!
Maybe some closer to your own age!
Whatever that is.
You just have to...
keep trying.
So, what can I help you with, dear?
I'm actually looking for the mayor. Is he in?
Sorry, no. He's on one of his walks again.
He just loves going on his walks.
How are you finding your rooms at the inn?
I always use a long piece of string tied to the doorknob.
Actually, that's why I'm here.
Turns out, Mildred Layton got us kicked out
and told everybody in town not to put us up.
So I was hoping maybe the mayor could intervene?
Oh, no.
The mayor doesn't want to run afoul of the Mothers Against the Future.
I think they're witches.
So, where are we supposed to stay?
I'm not sure. Would you be staying together?
I think so. It's still a little complicated.
You know, I heard Doc Lopez was looking for a new nurse.
And the position comes with room and board.
I'm a little overqualified to be a nurse. I'm actually a doctor.
Well, maybe the mayor will be able to help you once he gets back from his walk.
He just loves his walks.
Sometimes he's gone for hours on end just walking and walking.
Mrs. Menlove, forgive me for asking,
but how much do you really know about your husband?
That's a good question.
He's a hard man to know, it seems.
Different.
Some men like to fight and curse They smoke and drink and yell
Leave you flat, or even worse They stay and make life hell
But my man is gentle As soft and sentimental
As any lace adorned a valentine
He's a queer one
That man o' mine
Oh, honey.
Some men stumble home at dark Want dinner and dessert
Other men have eyes that spark At every passing skirt
But my man loves cookin' I've never caught him lookin'
At other gals more young Petite, or fine
He's a queer one
That man o' mine
This was literally me in high school.
Show me any other man More tender or expressive
I only wish that nightly
He were slightly more aggressive
There it is.
Sometimes it may seem like He is too good to be true
Like there's a man that I can't see Just aching to break through
I wish I could free him So I could finally see him
The way he truly is And let him shine
He's a queer one
That man o' mine
Mrs. Menlove, you could always give your husband a little nudge
to help him break out of his shell.
Oh, no. I could never do that.
That's for him to decide, not me.
It's off! It's off! Doctor Skinner's called it off.
Carson, what's this about?
Wait. Who called what off now?
Also is he just allowed to burst in everywhere?
Dr. Skinner! He's broken off the engagement.
And now Betsy's devastated. It's off! It's off!
Wow. He did it. He actually did it.
Maybe Josh is finally ready to commit to working on us.
And Grandpa said when he'd crossed that bridge with Grandma,
that he knew, without a doubt, that it was true love.
Oh, my.
He called it the "Skinner Feeling."
So which of you ladies wants to cross this bridge with me?
Let's move it along 'cause there may or may not be a farmer who wants to kill me.
I hope it's me.
I didn't know about this until ten seconds ago,
but now it's my only dream.
Sure, yeah! Let's make it a number! Why the hell not?
I've heard it so often That I'm numb to it
"Let's cross that bridge When we come to it"
But now that I'm single Still at twenty-three
I've got a new philosophy
Find that bridge And cross it now
Find that bridge And cross it right now
Let the other gals keep waiting Wasting time, procrastinating
Find that bridge And cross it right now
-Find that guy -Find that guy
-And get that ring -And get that ring
Find that guy And getcha that ring
Let the other ladies falter As they're racing for the altar
Find that guy And getcha that ring, ring, ring
Here come the groom, here come the bride Let's all meet 'em on the other side
Let's all meet 'em on the other side
I'm sorry. I hate-- Good to-- Bye.
It's not a metaphor Oh, no, it's something more
It's a literal bridge
Sister, get that mister
Go get him
It's not a metaphor Oh, no, it's something more
It's a literal bridge
No.
Sister, get that mister
Go get him
-Find that bridge and cross it now -It's not a metaphor
Oh, no, it's something more
-Find that bridge and cross it right now -It's a literal bridge
-Next, please. Go. -Every day you're hesitating
Is a day your looks are fading
Find that bridge
-And cross it right now -Okay. All right. As I suspected.
Find that bridge and cross it now
Someone's gotta be the right one!
Find that bridge and cross it right Oh, cross it now
All the gals who dillydally End up dying in an alley
Find that bridge And cross it right now
Cross that bridge right now!
All right, who's next?
Come on, that can't be everyone.
Really? There's no one left?
Yes!
-Unbelievable. -Mel.
This is what you've been doing all day?
It was an experiment.
I was trying to figure out a way to get us out of here.
You mean for you to get out of here?
While I run around town trying to find a place for us to stay?
It's like you are incapable of doing anything
but whatever takes the least amount of emotional effort.
For the record, I don't know how you define "effort,"
but there was a huge dance number.
-Goodbye, Josh. -Mel-- Mel, come on.
No, no, no. Clearly we're just out for ourselves now.
-Mel. -Screw you, Josh.
You broke my daughter's heart.
-She told Papa! -You're dead meat.
Yeah, that's a real gun.
Get back here, you!
Ouch! My bottom!
Sorry, Pete!
This sucks!
Dr. Skinner?
Hi, Reverend. Sorry, I-- Are you open, or...
The house of the Lord is always open. Stay as long as you'd like.
Beats going home, right?
Is something bothering you?
Sure, why not?
I've had a rough couple of days here, Rev.
My girlfriend and I broke up,
then I was forced to propose at gunpoint, and now it seems like I'm stuck here.
Because apparently there's no way for me to find true love. Whatever that means.
Well, the good book has something to say about that.
"True love bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, and endures all things."
In other words, it's a lot of work.
So, it's probably not something you find.
It's probably something you make.
But what if I--
What if I'm just not capable of that?
If that's Farmer McDonough, tell him I've left town.
Emma, what brings you by so late?
I'm sorry. I couldn't sleep, so I cleaned out Carson's closet.
I thought the poor could use these.
Emma, this is wonderful. We needed more sailor suits, thank you.
Don't worry about it, Reverend. See you at the bake sale.
Now, to answer your question, I believe that everyone--
Who was that?
Emma Tate, the schoolmarm.
Schoolmarm? And "marm" is what, again? Does that mean she's married, or--
Oh, no. Emma's made it abundantly clear she's got no use for marriage.
I wish I'd had her strength.
She didn't try to cross the bridge with me.
It's gotta be her.
So, here I am Back on my own
Wanderin' the streets of town alone
Things with Josh have gone from Bad to worse
Guess it's time to--
-Yes? -Doc Lopez?
-That's me. -Who is it, dear?
I'm Melissa Gimble. I'm here about the nurse position.
Oh, then you have the wrong Doc Lopez. One moment.
You'll be wanting our son.
Jorge, someone's here to see you.
Hello.
Yee honk.
Find that bridge And cross it now
Find that bridge And cross it right now
Let the other gals keep waiting Wasting time, procrastinating
Find that bridge And cross it right now
-Find that guy -Find that guy
-And get that ring -And get that ring
Find that guy And getcha that ring
Let the other ladies falter As they're racing for the altar
Find that guy And getcha that ring, ring, ring
Here come the groom, here come the bride Let's all meet 'em on the other side
It's not a metaphor Oh, no, it's something more
It's a literal bridge
Sister, get that mister
Go get him
Find that bridge and cross it now
Find that bridge and cross it right Oh, cross it now
All the gals who dillydally End up dying in an alley
Find that bridge And cross it right now
Cross that bridge right now